Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
