Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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