why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
How naked do you want me to be?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
