So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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