Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
