i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
