Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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