Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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