I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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