it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
