I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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