My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
