The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
