Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
