As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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