dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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