What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
