OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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