Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
