when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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