Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Never joke about your clitoris.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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