areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
