Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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