I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
