Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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