mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
