My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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