She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
