Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
do nipples grow back?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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