You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
