Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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