She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize