you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
