last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
