you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
