i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
