i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
