I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
