My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Two words: nipple clamps
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