I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
