dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
