apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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