Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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