I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
