She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
