Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
