i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
