I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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