If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
