our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
