she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
