and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize