Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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