We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
