just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
