Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
