I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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