i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
