is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
