it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Define "chronic" masturbator.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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