Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
