She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
