Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
