Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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