Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
