i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
